Akoshia Yoba: A Lesson in Affection: To Trust or Not to Trust

In relationships we often wonder, "Can I trust him?" Or, "Can I trust her?"

I always say we can only trust someone to the extent that we trust ourselves. Some people have a habit of telling untruths -- and yes, this is a nice way of saying they lie! If someone has a proclivity to speak words of untruth, then I would venture to say it will be pretty hard for such an individual to trust anyone else. The bottom line is they are untrustworthy and know deep down inside that other people have this same potential to practice deception.

When it comes to a love relationship, or any other kind of relationship, I believe that trust is always a reflection of our own personal evolution. So rather than ask, "Do I trust him or her? The real questions are:

"Do I trust in myself enough -- in my own God-given ability to enjoy clarity and to make choices that foster peace of mind?"

"Do I trust in my own inner guidance system enough to know exactly who to trust and when to trust?"

We all know this, for as we look in the rearview mirror of life after any experience, whether good or bad, we can usually see exactly where our ability to trust what we knew deep down inside led us to more joy, or how our inability to trust what we sensed led us towards pain or disappointment. Sometimes we are so busy and our minds are so noisy with inner chatter that we were unable to connect with our self enough to know what course of action to take. Whatever the case, at the end of the day, we recognize that the signs are always there for us to read.

I believe it is imperative for us to realize that all the information we need about everything occurring in our lives constantly flows freely within us and that we have access to it at all times! How then, do we begin build trust with ourselves?

1. Serious self-examination is a good starting point to find out where our issues lie. It is important to know ourselves well and this includes understanding both our strengths and deficits in the areas of trust and integrity.

2. Start at the beginning. Review your childhood and ask yourself if you were able to trust that your physical and emotional needs would be met. If not, work to understand how this has impacted your ability to trust.

3. Another key understanding is to know that when we truly learn to trust in our Source, that our needs are and will always be met. Whether you call it the Spirit of Truth, God, Allah, or the Universe, know that our Creator always has our back. This is the foundation of trusting in self. When we realize (or see with our real eyes) that we are connected to a power source greater than ourselves that continuously and tirelessly blesses and protects us, this helps us to know that all things are in Divine Order.

4. Prayer and meditation are excellent ways to connect with your Source and get to know this energy of creation intimately. Some call this a personal relationship with God others call it alignment with the Spirit of Truth.

5. To restore and build trust in yourself, work with a therapist, personal development coach or read a self-help book, i.e. You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay or The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

As we grow in this stage we learn the value of listening to the inner voice and begin to trust and follow our intuitive promptings, which when aligned with our Source, will always lead us in the direction of joy, love and ease through life's inevitable learning curves.
Finally we must have the courage to be honest about what we discover and hear about ourselves and the direction for our life. I say courage, because in our journey of self -- discovery, we sometimes get in touch with an inner truth that will seem to disturb our outer life and upset the people we love.

We may need to leave a relationship, or job and walk a different path that leaves others in shock and awe. However, if this is the truth you have discovered then real trust will begin when you are able to honor and act on what your inner voice has communicated to you. Trust that in the end, it will all work out for the best.

Until next time, stay in the love...

Listen to Akoshia's prescriptions for improved relationships, streaming live every Saturday at www.whcr.org when she presents her segment "Today's Lesson," at 7pm EST on the radio show, "A Lesson In Affection" with host Mark Lo playing the best in love songs from 6pm - 8pm EST.

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Follow Akoshia Yoba on Twitter: www.twitter.com/yobagirl

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